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showing you who's boss!!
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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
Having come from the hospital, I've seen/done pretty much everything that CAN be done at a workplace. I've been up to my elbows in poo, got into fisticuffs with men who lost their mind after surgery, dealt with all the nurses getting pissed at each other every 28 days, even people who injected crap into their own veins, etc...but THIS...THIS took the cake today boys and girls...

I go into the bathroom on my office floor today, I had some leftover chicken and dumplings for lunch, and it was making itself known that it needed room to process, and last night's pizza was on the way out....to my dismay the handicap (larger) stall was occupied by someone in black shoes/blue pants. No big deal, I'll take the smaller stall (the only other one).

I sit down, planning to outlast this guy so that I can really let'er rip once he's gone, and since he has been deathly silent ever since I walked in, I figure well, he's just taking a break and will be gone soon. After suffering for a couple minutes trying to be polite I let out a couple small, but respectful farts...you know, just enough to resound off the porcelain in a manner to let him know that I meant BUSINESS.

Finally he starts to make a little noise, like he's shuffling around, and I hear him reach for the toilet paper...FINALLY.

Wrong....he sits there for a couple more minutes, and by now I'm getting annoyed and starting to fart more, and let it roll cause I'm tired of waiting. Then I see it...one...TWO THREE, FOUR little plops of thick fluid that HIT THE FLOOR OF THE BATHROOM IN FRONT OF HIM!!!!.

At this point I've realized that THIS guy is masturbating in the stall NEXT TO ME, AT WORK, and just missed whatever type of "catch-all" he had constructed with the toilet paper that he pulled off just a few seconds before...again, he is doing this with DEAD silence. The only noise that had come from the stall was the little "plips" that came from the freaking semen hitting the floor, but with me trying not to be too rude, they could have been someone hitting the floor with an aluminum baseball flat the way they resounded....

So I'm sitting there in utter shock, with a turd about 1/2 way out...bottom, line, I'm stuck and have to wait and see what happens with this.

Slowly...and I mean SLOWLY this guy pulls more toilet paper and WIPES UP THE SEMEN OFF THE FLOOR IN ONE HUGE SWIPE....I'm about to lose my mind and blurt out "ah jeezus"...

Some people say the eyes are the window to the soul, well, in this case, it was this guys feet...after saying that, it was like something out of a cartoon, his feet started flying around like sonic the hedgehog as he gathers himself up, pulls up his pants, deposits the toilet paper in the toilet (with what had to be a seat splashing "BLOOP") and then bolts out the stall door and the bathroom door WITHOUT WASHING HIS HANDS EVEN...and he also neglected to flush (thank God for auto flush)

I sat there in total awe....I quickly finished and quietly, and flat faced walked to my desk where I just typed this...

I had to tell someone.
 

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So you're spending the rest of the work day trying to figure out who is wearing black shoes/blue pants?
 
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showing you who's boss!!
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Discussion Starter #5

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showing you who's boss!!
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Discussion Starter #6
Dude, that is EPIC! I couldn't have sat there and NOT said something completely inappropriate. :rofl:
I have no explanation for my lack of words...the two I said came out organically.
 

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Resident Car Salesman
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I work in an office building now!!!! :loco:
why did you not just squeeze it out wipe fast and then jump out to see the guys face? This closet work jacker needs to be dealt with.
 

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Still Sippin' Their Kool-Aid
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10,681 Posts
I thought walking in on couples fucking in the bathroom here at work... with someone who wasn't their wife/husband... was bad. But this is even more outrageous if you ask me.
 

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teachmehowtodougie
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Having come from the hospital, I've seen/done pretty much everything that CAN be done at a workplace. I've been up to my elbows in poo, got into fisticuffs with men who lost their mind after surgery, dealt with all the nurses getting pissed at each other every 28 days, even people who injected crap into their own veins, etc...but THIS...THIS took the cake today boys and girls...

I go into the bathroom on my office floor today, I had some leftover chicken and dumplings for lunch, and it was making itself known that it needed room to process, and last night's pizza was on the way out....to my dismay the handicap (larger) stall was occupied by someone in black shoes/blue pants. No big deal, I'll take the smaller stall (the only other one).

I sit down, planning to outlast this guy so that I can really let'er rip once he's gone, and since he has been deathly silent ever since I walked in, I figure well, he's just taking a break and will be gone soon. After suffering for a couple minutes trying to be polite I let out a couple small, but respectful farts...you know, just enough to resound off the porcelain in a manner to let him know that I meant BUSINESS.

Finally he starts to make a little noise, like he's shuffling around, and I hear him reach for the toilet paper...FINALLY.

Wrong....he sits there for a couple more minutes, and by now I'm getting annoyed and starting to fart more, and let it roll cause I'm tired of waiting. Then I see it...one...TWO THREE, FOUR little plops of thick fluid that HIT THE FLOOR OF THE BATHROOM IN FRONT OF HIM!!!!.

At this point I've realized that THIS guy is masturbating in the stall NEXT TO ME, AT WORK, and just missed whatever type of "catch-all" he had constructed with the toilet paper that he pulled off just a few seconds before...again, he is doing this with DEAD silence. The only noise that had come from the stall was the little "plips" that came from the freaking semen hitting the floor, but with me trying not to be too rude, they could have been someone hitting the floor with an aluminum baseball flat the way they resounded....

So I'm sitting there in utter shock, with a turd about 1/2 way out...bottom, line, I'm stuck and have to wait and see what happens with this.

Slowly...and I mean SLOWLY this guy pulls more toilet paper and WIPES UP THE SEMEN OFF THE FLOOR IN ONE HUGE SWIPE....I'm about to lose my mind and blurt out "ah jeezus"...

Some people say they eyes are the window to the soul, well, in this case, it was this guys feet...after saying that, it was like something out of a cartoon, his feet started flying around like sonic the hedgehog as he gathers himself up, pulls up his pants, deposits the toilet paper in the toilet (with what had to be a seat splashing "BLOOP") and then bolts out the stall door and the bathroom door WITHOUT WASHING HIS HANDS EVEN...and he also neglected to flush (thank God for auto flush)

I sat there in total awe....I quickly finished and quietly, and flat faced walked to my desk where I just typed this...

I had to tell someone.
Where's the fucking rep when you need it!!!

:rofl::rofl::rofl:
 

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showing you who's boss!!
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Discussion Starter #12
why did you not just squeeze it out wipe fast and then jump out to see the guys face? This closet work jacker needs to be dealt with.
As poor a job as he did catching his own man butter, I sure didnt want him to potentially get any of it on me!!

Plus...heck, I'm STILL stunned from the sound and visual it made hitting the floor...I was like WTF
 
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Wicket want, Wicket get!
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:loco::loco::loco::loco::loco::loco::loco:
Absolutely the best thing i have read on here in a long time......my cheeks actually ache. You poor bastard. Ill never go into the bathroom without thinking of this.
 
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blah blah blah
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thats fucking great. ALSO...good poop story as well. A+++
 
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Resident Car Salesman
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I thought walking in on couples fucking in the bathroom here at work... with someone who wasn't their wife/husband... was bad. But this is even more outrageous if you ask me.
Still work at the golf course? They better tip you well....if not you could drop a dime on their ass.
 
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blah blah blah
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Eh. It happens.
do then you do this as well? LMAO, im gonna go blow a big load and then i wont wash my hands and ill give people high fives and shit. OHHHH YEA
 

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showing you who's boss!!
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Discussion Starter #20
Eh. It happens.
:blink:For GODS SAKE, at least wait till the other people leave to actually climax....or make sure you're gonna at least catch it all....
 
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